The following article is a guest post from Connice Dyar (a wonderful mentor and friend to me):
“You have not chosen one another, but I have chosen you for another. The friendship is not a reward for our discriminating and good taste in finding one another out. It is the instrument by which God reveals to us the beauties of others.” C. S. Lewis
Ruth and I met through a mutual friend when we were in our mid-20s. We went to the same church, lived close to one other, and each had a baby and a toddler. We started a friendship, never suspecting it would span 30 years.
Friendship Surprises
We found out pretty quickly we were very different:
I was an introvert, and she was an extrovert.
She liked wearing overalls, I did not.
I liked to cook and bake, she did not.
She used power tools, I did not.
She told me several years later that she’d been sure when she first met me she wouldn’t like me, and we probably couldn’t be friends. Somewhat taken back, I asked her why. She said, “You seemed a little too much pearls and bows for me, but you were very different than I expected.” In classic Ruth fashion she continued, “But, you’re ok.”
It didn’t take long to realize we had a special friendship as women but also as couples and families. Our families continued to grow through birth, adoption, and foster care. And somewhere along the way, as friends and families, we unofficially committed to being in each others’ lives for as long as the Lord allowed.
Friendship Sharpens
About eight to ten years into our friendship, Ruth told me that she felt like God was going to call her to do something very different and the way she was to prepare was to start memorizing Scripture. This intuitive-type feeling was unusual for my friend. She’s not a touchy, feely person but one of logic and pragmatism. (She once rewired her whole kitchen by herself. The electrician who came to approve it ended up offering her a job.) I told her Scripture memory was a good idea, and I’d start memorizing more intentionally myself.
However, Ruth far surpassed me. She was a memory ninja! By the time, God called her home, she’d memorized more than 600 verses.
Ruth’s commitment to Scripture memory lit a fire in me as I saw God changing her. I knew I needed to know God’s Word better, because that’s how he reveals himself to us. Without even realizing it, by watching God change Ruth, God was changing me and preparing me for his calling down the road.
Friendship Supports
We had a period of a few years when the seven children between us were all teenagers. God’s Word was very near to our lips and our hearts during those years. We felt our main goal was just trying to keep everyone out of the criminal justice system.
As the years passed, we journeyed together, helping one another through dark and difficult times, but also rejoicing and celebrating so many beautiful moments along the way. We always expected our friendship would continue on, convinced one day we’d be old ladies together somewhere, with our husbands playing golf.
The thread running through all these years was the emphasis of God’s Word—how God was changing Ruth and me and ultimately all of us. As our kids grew, God led Ruth into his calling for her in politics and serving our city and state. In contrast, God led me to seminary and the calling to teach and serve women in discipleship and evangelism.
Friendship Speaks
Eight months ago Ruth received a diagnosis of advanced ovarian cancer. Arriving at her home the next day, not really knowing what to say, I asked the Lord to guide me. We hugged and sat together, and I promised, “Ruth, I don’t know what this journey will look like and how it will end, but I commit to continue speaking God’s truth to you till the end. And I want you to keep speaking God’s truth back to me.”
Ruth replied, “It’s a deal.”
Eight months went quicker than we ever imagined. It soon became evident that God’s plan for Ruth was not healing in this world. But we continued speaking God’s truth to each other. Even in the last few days as Ruth was fading, I sat with her reading Scripture and her many memory verse cards.
And as it happened, I was on night duty with Ruth when the Lord came for her. As I read Psalm 23 to my dear friend, she exchanged this broken world for the reality of being in the presence of the Living Word. By his grace, God allowed me to keep my promise to Ruth in such an unexpected way . . . to be speaking God’s truth to her as she went home.
And, even more amazing was Ruth speaking God’s truth back to me. In her dying, Ruth preached the gospel to me. She faced death with peace and confidence until the very end. God enabled us to be faithful to the commitment we made to one another at the beginning of her diagnosis.
God chose Ruth and me to be friends. It wasn’t the result of our good taste. It was part of God’s plan for us to see his beauty in each other. I’m so thankful for the gift of friendship and the ways God surprises us through one another.
Connice Dyar joined The Cede Network as a women’s chaplain in 2008 and currently serves on the chaplains team at Joe Gibbs Racing. She is also the director of the Charlotte Fellows Program and loves seeing recent college grads live out their faith in every area of life. She has been married to Bob for almost 40 years, and they have 3 creative adult children. She received a masters degree in theological studies from Reformed Theological Seminary-Charlotte and loves seeing how God uses evangelism and discipleship to give us joy in the unexpected. Connice has been involved in ministry to women in the local church for more than 30 years.
Salam Harjoshrian...
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